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How We Speak Is How We Think

Your inner voice sets the tone for how you talk to everyone else.

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A Line Tatiana Comes Back To

How You Talk to Yourself

"How we speak is a product of how we think." It holds for how you talk to others, and for how you talk to yourself. If the running commentary in your head is contempt, it is hard for that not to leak out at your partner, your kids, or your team.

What It Sounds Like

Topic	The Thought	The Words That Follow	A Truer Thought
At Work	"They think I am incompetent."	Defensive, short replies	"I do not know what they think. I can ask."
At Home	"I do everything here."	"You never help."	"I am tired and need help tonight."
Alone	"I always mess this up."	Silence, or apologizing too much	"I messed this one up. I can repair it."

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How to Start Changing It

Write down the exact words you say to yourself
Ask whether you would say them to a friend
Look for "always" and "never"
Try a version that is true, not just positive
Say it out loud, because your own voice counts

The Neuroscience

Why It Feels So True

Thoughts that have been repeated for years run on well-worn pathways, so they arrive quickly and feel like facts. The brain also tends to notice whatever confirms them. A new thought will feel fake at first, and that says more about practice than truth.