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Low Self-Esteem

When the harshest voice in your life is your own.

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What It Looks Like

How It Quietly Runs Things

Low self-esteem rarely announces itself. It shows up as apologizing constantly, not applying for the job, staying with someone who treats you badly, or brushing off every compliment. Sometimes it looks like overachieving, because enough is never enough.

Improved self-esteem is one of the things Tatiana wants people to work toward.

Self-criticism can sound like a fact when it has been repeated for a long time. It may appear after a mistake, before a conversation, or when you compare your life with someone else's. Consider one recent example and the words you used toward yourself. What did you fear that moment meant about you? What happened to your choices afterward? These questions can make a broad concern more specific without requiring you to replace it with forced positivity. You can also talk about the standards you are trying to meet and whether they reflect your own priorities or expectations you have absorbed from others.

A consultation can include questions about how goals are discussed without turning confidence into another standard to achieve. You may want help noticing a particular pattern, making a decision, or responding to mistakes with more perspective. Ask how the proposed approach would connect to those everyday situations. It is reasonable to want concrete examples rather than a broad promise to feel better about yourself. The fit of an approach should be explored with the clinician.

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Where the Work Goes

Finding where the old messages came from
Catching self-talk and checking it for accuracy
Acting as if you matter, before you feel it
Boundaries, which are self-respect in practice
Letting yourself be seen by other people in a group

A Better Goal

Confidence Is the Wrong Target

Telling yourself you are great does not hold up, and most people can tell. What tends to last is a more accurate and more compassionate view of yourself, plus a track record of keeping promises to yourself.

For Christians

Reading "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14, KJV) may not land when you do not believe it. Bringing that gap into the open can be its own kind of honesty, and for Christians who want it, Tatiana works there too.