Why Do I Get So Angry?
What is going on when something small sets you off, and what you can do.
See the Anger Group
What You Noticed
It Is Rarely About the Dishes
You snapped over something small, and now you feel ashamed, or you feel justified and also a little sick. Most people who search this question are not cruel people. They are tired of watching themselves do it.
Anger is often a second feeling. Underneath may be fear, hurt, embarrassment, or exhaustion that got to the front of the line by wearing armor.
Common Reasons It Runs Hot
- Too little sleep, too much stress, not enough recovery
- A thought pattern, such as "no one respects me"
- Old experiences that taught your body to expect a fight
- Grief, depression, or anxiety wearing a different face
- Alcohol and other substances lowering your brakes
The Neuroscience
What Is Happening in the Moment
When your threat system takes over, attention shifts toward action and away from careful thinking. People call this being flooded. It can take a while to come back down, which is why arguing while you are flooded tends to make things worse.
Before the Next One
Three Things to Try This Week
Find Your First Sign
A hot face, tight jaw, or a certain tone. The sooner you catch it, the more choices you have.
Call a Time-Out
Say you need twenty minutes and say when you will come back. Then come back.
Ask What Is Under It
When you have cooled down, ask what the anger was protecting.
Common Questions
Is my anger a mental health problem?
Anger itself is a normal emotion. If it is hurting your relationships, your job, or your health, it is worth getting help. If anyone is in danger, call 911.
What if I get angry at God too?
You would be in good company. Christians in the group can bring that here.
Where to Go From Here
You Can Learn This
The Anger Management group is built for exactly this. Call or text to ask about it.
Call 916-204-1447General inquiries only. Please do not send private health information by text.